Success, Hapiness and Sadness

SUCCESS

I PASSED my first term exams 😀 ,just got my results this morning .

I was happy then ,very happy… success has the sweetest taste ever .

i didn’t expect to pass ,but i did .

i feel relieved ,very relieved .

but, by the end of the day the normal sadness returned .

SADNESS

  • I thought a lot about the reasons why I’m always sad and i came up with those :
  1. I have no big target in my life ,at all .
    • I don’t know what i want or what i should be doing .
    • i hate my studying field ,although it’s not bad and has a great future ,but i just don’t like it .
    • I lost all my old plans for future and can’t come up with new stuff .
  2. No female presence .
    • yope ,that’s right.. i don’t have a girlfriend and never had .. why?
    • simply because I have this thing about not being able to do useless stuff .
    • stuff that i can see clearly that it won’t work due to practical reasons and will cause a huge amount of pain to end .
    • also that I think that human emotions are something very dangerous to play with or take lightly.
    • yet again how do I know that if I’ve never tried ?
    • this also causing me a really bad case of loneliness that I’m unable to escape.
  3. Low self-confidence
    • my self-confidence is slightly shaken by past experiences and I have no idea how to restore it.
  4. other than those stuff my life is almost perfect ,I’ve no BIG BIG problems … nothing
  5. yes … nothing …. nothing is the problem itself .. a huge pile of nothing in both my heart and mind .

sadness

Photo by Paul Armstrong

one thing always made me feel good : singing as loud as i can in my car while driving ..ppl think i’m nuts 😀

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Free time : The ENEMY

it seems that most people’s goal is to maximize their free time to enjoy whatever they do or just have some rest .
but free time actually is one of my biggest enemies .
for me free time and sadness both mad a pact together to make my life miserable.
i try o avoid the state of having nothing to do by inventing new stuff to do .
i walk a lot and by a lot i mean A LOT something like from Ba7ari to San Stefano and back .
i play games that takes long time to finish and when i finish them, i download some more .
yo make a long story short i do anything that keeps me busy.
when i have absolutely nothing to do .. i sleep … sometimes i sleep for 3 days with just a few hours awake ,of course i’ve to suffer an extreme headache for another 2 days after that.
Once i get this feeling of emptiness. sadness and loneliness attacks brutally killing everything in there way even my smile .

actually i’m writing this very post just to get busy with something .. i think i’ll go to sleep now.

GN