Success, Hapiness and Sadness

SUCCESS

I PASSED my first term exams 😀 ,just got my results this morning .

I was happy then ,very happy… success has the sweetest taste ever .

i didn’t expect to pass ,but i did .

i feel relieved ,very relieved .

but, by the end of the day the normal sadness returned .

SADNESS

• I thought a lot about the reasons why I’m always sad and i came up with those :

1. I have no big target in my life ,at all .
   • I don’t know what i want or what i should be doing .
   • i hate my studying field ,although it’s not bad and has a great future ,but i just don’t like it .
   • I lost all my old plans for future and can’t come up with new stuff .
2. No female presence .
   • yope ,that’s right.. i don’t have a girlfriend and never had .. why?
   • simply because I have this thing about not being able to do useless stuff .
   • stuff that i can see clearly that it won’t work due to practical reasons and will cause a huge amount of pain to end .
   • also that I think that human emotions are something very dangerous to play with or take lightly.
   • yet again how do I know that if I’ve never tried ?
   • this also causing me a really bad case of loneliness that I’m unable to escape.
3. Low self-confidence
   • my self-confidence is slightly shaken by past experiences and I have no idea how to restore it.
4. other than those stuff my life is almost perfect ,I’ve no BIG BIG problems … nothing
5. yes … nothing …. nothing is the problem itself .. a huge pile of nothing in both my heart and mind .

Photo by Paul Armstrong

one thing always made me feel good : singing as loud as i can in my car while driving ..ppl think i’m nuts 😀

everybody’s Alternative

I do have a lot of friends with all kinds of personalities ,but i don’t know why i always get the feeling that i’m everybody’s second choice or alternative that they turn out to ,just when they have no one else.
Although i don’t really care or think about this a lot ,but deep down i’ve always known it and it HURTS LIKE HELL .

Feeling Lost

Lost.. this is the most accurate description to what i feel now.

I have so many feelings at the same time .. i dunno .. should i be happy, sad, lonely or even depressed ?

i feel all of that in one day .

i wake up with a feeling and i sleep with another and with another one during the day .

I don’t know what i wantin life .. what do i wanna be huh..?

really .. what should i be in this life ?

i’m 21 and it’s a matter of months till i get to the real world and god knows i’m not ready for that, but it’s coming whether i wanted or not it’s coming

and god knows i’m NOT ready to this life.i’m an Egyptian .

that means a middle eastern 3rd world country and the situation here is just bad as it sounds ..may be i’m escaping , but do i have other choices ?? i dunno