Funny man

We can sit here and laugh
But we don’t know the half of it, in your defense
We’ve been talking a while
And it seems to me each time you smile
Lights are coming on
But they don’t burn too strong
And they won’t stay for long
And then they’re gone again

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Success, Hapiness and Sadness

SUCCESS

I PASSED my first term exams 😀 ,just got my results this morning .

I was happy then ,very happy… success has the sweetest taste ever .

i didn’t expect to pass ,but i did .

i feel relieved ,very relieved .

but, by the end of the day the normal sadness returned .

SADNESS

  • I thought a lot about the reasons why I’m always sad and i came up with those :
  1. I have no big target in my life ,at all .
    • I don’t know what i want or what i should be doing .
    • i hate my studying field ,although it’s not bad and has a great future ,but i just don’t like it .
    • I lost all my old plans for future and can’t come up with new stuff .
  2. No female presence .
    • yope ,that’s right.. i don’t have a girlfriend and never had .. why?
    • simply because I have this thing about not being able to do useless stuff .
    • stuff that i can see clearly that it won’t work due to practical reasons and will cause a huge amount of pain to end .
    • also that I think that human emotions are something very dangerous to play with or take lightly.
    • yet again how do I know that if I’ve never tried ?
    • this also causing me a really bad case of loneliness that I’m unable to escape.
  3. Low self-confidence
    • my self-confidence is slightly shaken by past experiences and I have no idea how to restore it.
  4. other than those stuff my life is almost perfect ,I’ve no BIG BIG problems … nothing
  5. yes … nothing …. nothing is the problem itself .. a huge pile of nothing in both my heart and mind .

sadness

Photo by Paul Armstrong

one thing always made me feel good : singing as loud as i can in my car while driving ..ppl think i’m nuts 😀

Free time : The ENEMY

it seems that most people’s goal is to maximize their free time to enjoy whatever they do or just have some rest .
but free time actually is one of my biggest enemies .
for me free time and sadness both mad a pact together to make my life miserable.
i try o avoid the state of having nothing to do by inventing new stuff to do .
i walk a lot and by a lot i mean A LOT something like from Ba7ari to San Stefano and back .
i play games that takes long time to finish and when i finish them, i download some more .
yo make a long story short i do anything that keeps me busy.
when i have absolutely nothing to do .. i sleep … sometimes i sleep for 3 days with just a few hours awake ,of course i’ve to suffer an extreme headache for another 2 days after that.
Once i get this feeling of emptiness. sadness and loneliness attacks brutally killing everything in there way even my smile .

actually i’m writing this very post just to get busy with something .. i think i’ll go to sleep now.

GN

everybody’s Alternative

Alternative duality

I do have a lot of friends with all kinds of personalities ,but i don’t know why i always get the feeling that i’m everybody’s second choice or alternative that they turn out to ,just when they have no one else.
Although i don’t really care or think about this a lot ,but deep down i’ve always known it and it HURTS LIKE HELL .

Feeling Lost

Lost.. this is the most accurate description to what i feel now.

I have so many feelings at the same time .. i dunno .. should i be happy, sad, lonely or even depressed ?

i feel all of that in one day .

i wake up with a feeling and i sleep with another and with another one during the day .

I don’t know what i wantin life .. what do i wanna be huh..?

really .. what should i be in this life ?

i’m 21 and it’s a matter of months till i get to the real world and god knows i’m not ready for that, but it’s coming whether i wanted or not it’s coming

and god knows i’m NOT ready to this life.i’m an Egyptian .

that means a middle eastern 3rd world country and the situation here is just bad as it sounds ..may be i’m escaping , but do i have other choices ?? i dunno